Ugh

I'm frustrated for multiple reasons...and I can't say any of those reasons on here. Which makes me even more frustrated. Which is slowly turning into me being kind of angry and I kind of want to cry.

Could it get much worse?? There 2 people I want to talk to right now and neither one is online. ugh.

So I sat at a park today for an hour or so.. We were waiting for my uncle and aunt to come to my cousins softball practice. I just kind of sat there, and watched. It's an interesting thing really. I mean it helps that I work with kids for 4-6 hours or more a day, but you just sit there and watch the kids and you realize how truly different they all are. I sat there and watched a littl boy jump off of a rock structure thing that was like 3.5 feet tall. Just jumped, and landed and ran off to do something else. Then his brother went up the same rock thing and wouldn't even get close to the edge of it. I'm not sure where these thoughts came from or where exactly they're going but I just think it's such an interesting thing.

Can you tell how bored and tired I am today... I've written like 3 or 4 times already haha. At least it's not boring stuff. Well I don't think it's boring stuff anyhow.

Sleep

What does the word sleep mean?? Lately, I really haven't come anywhere near to a good night's sleep. It is catching up with me. Holy cow! I guess it really doesn't help that I stayed up pretty late last night talking to a good frien. Anyways. Nicole defintly experienced the affects that sleep depravation has on me. It's...yea. I suppose that interesting doesn't even really describe it huh Nicolie? I need a nap is basically what I'm saying here...so I think that's exactly what I'm going to go do =]


Night!

Man in the Mirror

Yes. You are correct. That is a Michael Jackson song. But no worries...it was Michael Jackson before he went messed up! But have you ever listened to the lyrics to this song. So great! I definitly think it's going to be one of my favorite songs right now. I think if more people were to realize that if you want change you have to start with yourself, I think we might have a way more honest and caring and just over all better society. Like really! Anyways. Here it is.


Ooh ooh ooh aah
Gotta make a change
For once in my life
It's gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right

As I turned up the collar on
A favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street
With not enough to eat
Who am I to be blind
Pretending not to see their needs
A summer's disregard
A broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other
On the wind ya' know'
Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know
I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change,
yeyNa na na, na na na, na na na na oh ho
I've been a victim ofA selfish kinda love
It's time that I realize
There are some with no home
Not a nickel to loan
Could it be really pretending that they're not alone
A willow deeply scarred
Somebody's broken heart
And a washed out dream(Washed out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see'
Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me

That's definitly not the whole song...but I love it!

Miles

So here I am. Awake at 12:45. Unusual for me? Yes...slightly. But I'm beginning to realize how much I truly miss a few of my friends. One who lives a mere 5 hours away in Chico, someone who means alot to me and who made a big difference in my life. One who lives something like 1200 miles away...someone who has been there for me during some really tough times, and who I hope I have been there for when he needed me too. One who I love with everything I am...who lives in Kentucky, who's in the army. Who I fear for every day of my life but who I have to trust God to take care of since I can't, seeing as I'm a couple thousand miles away or whatever. Yea. My friends mean alot to me. And I really wish I could see these people a whole lot more often then I do! But to the three of you who I'm talking about (you should know who you are), if you're reading this, just know that I love you all and I miss you dearly!

Hmm..

So went to dinner at taco bell tonight...and definitly had a blond moment. So I thought I should add my little blonde moments to my blog..

"....and my ice creams still in the freezer,
and we had mcdonalds (taco bell) for dinner tonight,
and my trash landed on the floor..."

Wow too bad Nicole will really be the only one to understand that...but oh well!!

BUNKO!

Yup. Bunko. I just played bunko for 2 hours. Interesting game. That's all I have to say about that subject.

Anywho, I had mexican food for the 5th time this week today. Yes! I had mexican food Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. What do you say? Think I should just finish out the week and have it Saturday and Sunday too?? Oh boy!

Long day at work today. I'm not sure why really. It just seemed to go on and on and on and on....and on. Definitly having a friend over tonight! Chillaxing time. It should be hecka good.

Nicolie and I went shopping for a whole bunch of birthday presents today. We had quite a time lol. All I have to say...eensy weensy spider ;]. Wow but I went crazy around 6:30 today. Like I think I could've been considered insane. Really. I was just that tired. I mean AM that tired!

But yea. That was my day. Well for the most part. Pretty exciting and fairly normal I'd say. We'll see about tomorrow =]

Dinner

Ok. El Burro's is one of the best mexican restaraunts of all times. The most wonderful bean burrito's ever created by man. I am so overly full right now. I'm to the point of being miserably full. I hate that!! But it was definitly worth it. SO good!

On another note, my foot hurts. I have no idea why my foot hurts. Could have to do with riding the stationary bike, or running on the treadmill at the gym. But whatever the reason, I am not happy about it. Tylenol. It's becoming my favorite. I'm not addicted, I promise. I've just had to use it alot lately.

Anyways, I'm tired. I'm going to go vegg now!

<3

Yup.

It's Thursday. That means tomorrow's friday. Which means that the weekend is like a day and a half away. Wow, something to look forward to!

L.I.G.H.T's out is tonight. El Burro time baby!! I love that restaraunt. Anyways. Off to lunch, then work, then dinner.

Oh and thank goodness for chocolate. Like really. It's such a comfort thing. Or maybe it was more of a craving thing last night. But it was definitly much needed. I thank the makers of Dove chocolates. They're the bomb!

TTFN! (ta ta for now...for those of you who never watched winnie the pooh.)

BTW

Might I just add that I really rather hate getting up early in the mornings. Not that 8 o'clock is substantially early, but when you're already dead tired it comes entirely too early! But I get to sleep in tomorrow. So I'm really not complaining =]


Oh and I also wanted to express just how much I dislike my phone at the moment. It won't let me send or recieve calls. Doesn't ring when people call and if they leave a voice mail, it doesn't come through until some ridiculous time...like 3 am (nicolie it wasn't your fault!). Also, it only picks up a signal .25% of the time...I promise. But other then that...things are wonderful!

What a Wednesday..

So today was by far the longest day ever...actually not really...but it was suuuper long! It really felt like it wasn't going to end. I love my job. Don't get me wrong there. I couldn't ask for a better job really. But I think that excruciatingly long might be the best way to describe today. And it doesn't make it any better that I was outside today, and that the weather was unbelievably cold. It got to the point where I could no longer feel my fingers. Horrible. But other then that, great!

My boss asked me about school... what a subject. I'm not so much enjoying college. Yet. I think it might have something to do with the fact that up until a few months ago (when I actually started college) I was totally ready to be a nurse. I was going to get right into the nursing program and get done in like 2 years (because they say you can do it that fast, and the faster the better, right?) But apparently God had other plans for me. Because I now don't necessarily want to be a nurse. I know I want to help people. That's a given. I'm pretty sure I want to major in sociology. Wow! I know. Be a therapist. A shrink as some people call them. But a good one. Preferably one that specializes in suicide/depression/addiction/self-injury type of things. But my boss also made a good point. I should probably know WHY I want to do that. And I'm pretty sure I do. Pretty sure it has to do with the event I talked about in my last blog. But it's all good. I'll eventually get to the point where it'll be crystal clear to me what I want to do with my life. Now I just sit back and wait!

Definition:
Sociology-The study of society, human social interaction, and the rules and processes that bind and separate people not only as individuals, but as members of associations, groups, and institutions.

how to begin

So....blogging! I've definitly never blogged before, but new experiences are good right?? If you can consider this a new experience lol. I'm not even sure I understand this whole blogging thing. I open up and spill all?? Seems a little public for me... anywho. I guess I've got a lot to catch up on. I suppose I'll start back in September. September 18, 2008 to be exact. It seemed like a great day as far as I can remember. I was working, Nicole was gone (which sucked majorly)...but other then that it was good. I didn't find out until the 19th (friday) that the 18th really wasn't such a great day...one of my best friends (Nick Sanders) had decided that life was too much to handle and that he didn't want to live anymore. Honestly, I never ever thought that I would have to go through something like that. It was one of those things that happened to other people, maybe even people I knew and maybe I could be there to support them, but it was never going to happen to me. Then my youth group and I got hit by it. We were now grieving for one of our closest friends, and it was the most emotionally trying time in my life. I went through one of the greatest emotinal rollercoasters of my life. I really didn't know what to think and I don't really remember alot of the things that went on within a few months of what happened. I went through so many "what if"s"...but I learned so much from this experience. God has a reason for putting certain trials in our lives. We may not agree with them, actually we rarely do, mainly because of the pain and suffering they cause us. But He doesn't give us anything in life that we can't handle. I've learned to live life to the fullest, never take my friends for granted, let them know how much they truly mean to me. I've learned that "what if's" don't do any good, especially after the fact. I feel like I actually have a direction for my life to go in now. I'm so much more aware of things. I'm so interested in organizations like TWLOHA (to write love on her arms) an organization for suicide/depression/addiction/self-injury. I want to work in that sort of an org. I want to help people!! Anyways, wow that was kind of a heavy blog...sorry haha. But yea, now you know where I stand. It's all good!